introducing Creative chaos in action
Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Alexis M. Collazo, at least that’s what I mostly use professionally these days. I also go by LexC or some variation on social media and for some past blogs and publications. This is not my first blog or website; I’ve actually been doing this for a couple decades. Yet it still feels very new to me. It’s taken a long time to seriously pursue a career in writing. It wasn’t even a thought until I was well into my twenties and making my second attempt at college. Even then I wasn’t quite sure exactly what I wanted to do. I tried my hand at different types of writing either following my interests or money, both when possible. While it felt good to publish my writing and get paid for my work, when I did get paid, I often found myself unhappy with the work I was doing. I’d either stress out over it, quickly lose interest or just plain hate it from day one. When I could, I tried to fit in creative work I really enjoyed, like poetry and fiction. But it’s hard (nearly impossible) when you’re in school, working and trying to be a normal twenty-something with a social life.
From Chaos comes clarity
Since that second go round at college, my life has felt like one big juggling act. Problem is literally and figuratively I’m pretty bad at juggling. There are always too many balls in the air at once which leads to dropping one or more, and sometimes all the balls. Alright, maybe that’s not completely true, but I was having fun with the analogy.
What I’m trying to say is that most of my adult life has felt chaotic. That’s why despite years of experience, I still feel like a newbie most of the time. I didn’t follow a straight path forward to build a career and I struggled to write consistently, even for my own personal enjoyment. I lost focus at times, giving up on ideas or putting them off because I lost interest, didn’t have time or wouldn’t be able to make a living. Sometimes I think if I had focused on one thing and followed through I’d be a lot further along. I also think I might have ended up miserable in a job I hated. (Which was definitely true in a few non-writing related jobs.)
Instead I tried to do all the things. I experimented with different college courses, volunteer work, internships, freelance gigs and pretty much any random opportunity that had anything to do with writing and publishing. It was overwhelming most of the time, but I had fun and enjoyed myself. When something became more stressful than enjoyable, I put it aside with little to no guilt. I know I tried my best and it just didn’t work. It may have taken a while but I eventually started to find my way. I weeded out the things I’ll probably never do again, figured out what I loved to do most and discovered stuff in between that I might try out again. Now, I have a much clearer picture of what I want to work toward.
The Road Ahead
Not once but twice I’ve left a fairly stable and secure full-time job because I wasn’t happy and knew it wouldn’t give me the life I wanted. Instead I’ve chosen the hard path of trying to carve out a living through my creativity. For the first time though, I feel like I’m heading in exactly the right direction.
I’m still very chaotic and honestly am not completely sure what I’m doing half the time. But I’ve learned to keep pursuing the things I enjoy and am most passionate about. Not only does that include the creative process but sharing that experience with other people. I want to do that in as many ways as possible, in addition to pursuing my own writing goals. That includes facilitating online workshops and building a library of resources for passionate creatives.
That is essentially the idea behind the Creative Chaos Workshop. First was the actual workshop, a generative writing workshop where we could also read, discuss and reflect on aspects of the creative process. Then it just felt right to build on that idea and create an online home where I could explore it further.
This is just the beginning (literally the very first blog posted) and I’m looking forward to this new creative adventure. Consider this your invitation to tag along and embrace a little chaos.